Ah. It's good to have a proper bath after so long with out one. Key-boy. Stop by my ship again. Your duties shall remain consistent until Kif returns. And no singing.

Costume party, huh? Hm...Perhaps I should go as...Zapp Brannigan, twenty-six star general...no. Too predictible. How about the sexiest captain to roam the stars? No, I can do that every day. There was that one captain...carl...chris, something with a "kuh" sound. No, mention of his name is outlawed in the entire universe! Come on Zapp! You're the most renowned captain in the galaxy, you can think of something.

Oh my...god! I've returned to my ship at last. It was a terrible, awful battle! Full of death and gore and dying. Never have I seen so much carnage. It all happened so fast. And I was of course the winner. Those tree people of Plantia-9 never saw it coming. It's a long, captivating story. Perhaps I should write a biography about it. About how I woke up naked and burned fought off the people at the party my would-be captors and valiantly got lost fought my way back to my ship.

But now I've returned. And my ship is still broken. Why hasn't Kif found my keys fixed it yet? I can't be a proper starship captain if I'm stuck on the ground!

Captain's journal. Stardate...today. It appears that in my last valliant battle, I have lost Kif along the way. Now who will tend to my sponge baths? This time, gravity has defeated me once again! I will win the next one, and it will be as easy as taking candy from a baby. Unless that baby is actually a very sexy woman. Speaking of Leela, my computer has been showing the most interesting images. I must request Leela do something like THAT. And by request, I mean beg. In the most dignified manner. Befitting me, Zapp Brannigan.

This "internet" intrigues me. I could use it to crush my enemies! This "livejournal" hides many secrets of many foes. I wonder...does Leela possess one of these so called "journals"? And I wonder. Does she include sensual secrets? And I wonder more. Did she write about me?